Dating all the wrong people at all the right times.
So, you are freshly wounded from a recent breakup- Doesn’t matter if it was a guy breaking things off for little more than a one night stand or the crumbling and crippling end of a marriage- either way- the old saying comes to mind. In order to get over someone, you get under someone.
The physical connection with someone, sadly sometimes anyone, helps put a Band-Aid on the open wounds of yesterday. Where do we go to find such a thing? The Internets. I mean I would say go to a bar and try to meet someone but as a 33-year-old woman the prospects look like jailbait and their tact is less than desirable.
A few failed first dates- guys that don’t live up to the conversations leading up to the date, perhaps it my slight sailor mouth wasn’t a good fit for them, or we just don’t click in person. After about 6 fail to ignite meet-ups, I became a hermit. I had come to the conclusion that after having not dated anyone but my ex -husband for 6 years, I just wasn’t ready for what I THOUGHT I wanted. A relationship.
Eventually and inevitably, this girl ventures out of her cave again. Only to meet a Peter Pan. You know the guy ladies, you know that there is no chance of relationship- still doesn’t matter, he is fun. He doesn’t like to make concrete plans, wants to please everyone- sometimes seemingly- except for you, and you are never sure of his true intentions.
However you loose this thing called your “dignity” on the second date. Whatever. Judge away. When you haven’t been touched in over year by your own husband you maybe don’t have the clearest judgment.
Let me tell you something, nothing will shoot you back to your days of junior high, time of the “circle yes if you like me, circle no if you don’t” note days, like a guy that you knowingly give it up too early to. Sex is an emotional connection for women no matter how hard we try to be Samantha (from Sex in the City) of our times.
Having been out of the dating scene for almost 6 years- this is new territory in my 30’s. I continue to chat via text (BTW , SERIOUSLY guys, lets stop with only texting, pick up the gdamn phone and call her) with Peter Pan (PP) . We make what I think are plans and they fall through a few times. Seems like the only time we meet up is late at night at one or the others house after we finish doing whatever it is that we were out doing that night. Although I am blatantly aware this is what is called a “booty call”, I am getting my needs met, he is getting his, and we are both content in that.
But here is my dilemma- as a serial monogamous I am having a hard time separating the two. My body, my boooooooody, telling me yeeessss, but my minds tellin' me nooooooooooo! After a few failed dates in between I realize that PP was there for a specific reason in my story. To physically feel wanted without the commitment. There is a huge difference in a fuck (which oddly is how my ex husband made me feel) and a partner that is all about pleasing you and making sure that you are taken care of (which oddly, is how a booty call made me feel). PP was there for me to learn the difference between those two things as well as let me bitch openly about the recent demise of my marriage (Weird I actually openly talked about that with him as well as talking about his ex). In the end things with PP definitely came to a conclusion naturally and organically. We both eventually started dating new people months later (we can delve further into that in a later blog). I would still consider him a friend but the physical part is gone, which is fine. We both helped each other through what were some really shitty times for both of us. Our “relationship” served its purpose if even to point us to other people.
Fully knowing that this “relationship” was going nowhere fast it served its purpose in my personal journey. Being okay with myself, feeling wanted physically, and making a good friend at the same time.
Sometimes dating the wrong person can be the right person. At least for the time being.
XOXO- Vanity LaRue
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